


deck the halls with boughs of holly

by n_owsy



Series: mastering the art (dsmp actors au) [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Actors, Actors AU, Alternate Universe - Actors, Christmas, Christmas Party, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, How Do I Tag, I Blame Tumblr, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Platonic Relationships, Social Media, dsmpactors, i use a lot of twitter here for exposition, idk why, its funny, let boys have platonic relationships with each other, no beta we die like tubbo in the festival, no ships, social media au???, technically this is a chat fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:35:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28081029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/n_owsy/pseuds/n_owsy
Summary: a fun christmas concept for the cast with scores to settle: hanging mistletoe but instead of kissing — you have to fight whoever else is under it.[Actor AU belongs to @charliewastaken & @koyfishh on twitter. Headcanons will be credited.](The DSMP!Actors AU, Social Media AU, Group Chat AU and the Christmas party fic rolled into one.)
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & Karl Jacobs, Alexis | Quackity & TommyInnit, Callahan & Philza, Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Wilbur Soot & Phil Watson, Floris | Fundy & Niki | Nihachu, Karl Jacobs & Sapnap, Zak Ahmed & Darryl Noveschosch
Series: mastering the art (dsmp actors au) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2043877
Comments: 14
Kudos: 189





	1. f(ire)a la la la la

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the night before the christmas party is inevitably a disaster.
> 
> (or where quackity and tommy have the great idea to try their hand at baking gingerbread cookies by sneaking into the studio kitchen at 2:37AM in the morning.)
> 
> or: _f(ire)a la la la la_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the reason i’m taking too slow to write chapter 6 is because i’m also writing the christmas thing at the same time. 
> 
> so have this chaotic fic instead. non compliant to the current fic — because i haven’t introduced quackity, techno, niki, etc. yet. just think of this as a spinoff.
> 
> yes i wanted to write it all in one sitting and release it on christmas, but i decided to split it into three to make it easier for me too. 
> 
> i made this first chapter a mostly group chat fic because it’s easier that way— and i tried to involve a few more ppl and tried to write them in character. sorry.
> 
> try guessing who’s who. if you get confused then...

**GROUP CHAT; 2:37 AM**

**chilling in cedar rapids:** guys we have a problem

**a Child:** No we dont big Q

**a Child:** We have it under Control

**chilling in cedar rapids** : NO WE FUCKING DONT???

**wilby** : what is going on

**wilby** : and why are you awake at 

**wilby** : schlatt

**j-money** : yeah, yeah i’m up and i’m here babe

**j-money:** why the fuck are you guys up at 2:37 AM

**steve rogers kinnie:**

**steve rogers kinnie** : my day is ruined

**steve rogers kinnie:** and my disappointment is immeasurable

**Philza Minecraft:** why Callahan

**steve rogers kinnie:** help

** these boots are made for walkin: ** uh 

**these boots are made for walkin:** why is the studio...?

**Philza Minecraft:** Why is the studio what now

**these boots are made for walking:** _[picture of the studio + smoke in the distance]_

**Philza Minecraft:** Oh for fuck’s sake

* * *

**TWITTER:**

** Ph1LzA ✔️ |@Ph1LzA **

Whoever gave Tommy and Quackity access to the kitchen when we’ve explicitly banned them from the area

_4.1K comments and 4.3K retweets_

_123.2K likes_

Ph1LzA ✔️ **|@Ph1LzA** _replied to their own tweet_

Your days are numbered

_3.7K comments and 3.5K retweets_

_102.9K likes_

* * *

**GROUP CHAT**

**Philza Minecraft:** I’m omw 

**IMNOTAFURRYSTFU:** they what now

 **NotFound** : just woke up from the trailer whats going on

 **chilling in cedar rapids** : WERE ABOUT TO DIE

 **chilling in cedar rapids:** WHAT DO WE DO

 **wilby** : get out then

 **chilling in cedar rapids** : THE DOOR IS LOCKED WE CANT GET OUT

 **steve rogers kinnie:** call the fire department

 **dreamXD** : what??

 **dreamXD** : do not

 **wilby** : please don’t

 **j-money** : yeah lmao the fire department hates us enough

 **NotFound** : you don’t need to do it

 **NotFound** : i just got there

 **NotFound** : only the oven is on fire and basically the room is just smoke

 **a Child** : Great fuckign observation skills genius

 **chilling in cedar rapids:** AND THE SMOKE IS GONNA FUCKIGN MURDER US GEOREG

 **NotFound** : why the hell is the door locked

 **chilling in cedar rapids** : BECAUSE WE SNUCK IN AND TOMMY TOLD METO BARRICADE THE DOORS IN CASE SOMEONE WNTED TO STPO US

 **a Child:** Wtf big Q

 **a Child** : None of this was my fault 

**j-money:** and you fucking listened???

 **chilling in cedar rapids** : IT WAS A GREAT IDEA AT THE TIME OKAY

**steve rogers kinnie:** alright i give up now

**steve rogers kinnie:** good luck im going to sleep

**a Child:** Should i use the pots and pans to throw water over it

 **dreamXD** : wtf do not

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : its an electrical fire you’d electrocute yourself n spread electricity across the fuckign room 

**NotFound** : baking soda works since it’s still small & manageable

 **a Child** : Big q found the box of baking soda

 **a Child** : do we pour it all in

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : yeah the kitchen crew will understand an emergency

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : check the label first

 **NotFound** : did quackity grab the baking powder or baking soda

 **chilling in cedar rapid** s: WHAT THE FUKC IS THE DIFERRNEDCE 

**NotFound** : wait hold on tommy

 **NotFound** : TOMMY DO NOT LET HIM POUR YEH

 **a Child:** Uh oh

 **NotFound** : GODDAMMIT I JUST TOLD YOU TO WAIT

 **Philza Minecraft** : What did you do

 **a Child:** MY RUCKGIDNN GOD

 **Philza Minecraft** :

 **Philza Minecraft:** The fire spread?

 **NotFound** : the fire spread

 **chilling in cedar rapids** : IM SORRY THEY LOOK THE SAME

 **NotFound** : IM COLORBLIND AND I CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN “SODA” AND “POWDER” ON THE PACKAGING QUACKITY

 **chilling in cedar rapids** : ALRIGHT IM SORRY I PANICKED

 **Philza Minecraft** : Callahan we need you please get up

**steve rogers kinnie:** stop saying that 

** **steve rogers kinnie:** ** you’re gonna drag me out of bed anyways leave me alone for a few minutes

 **dreamXD** : i’m omw with wilbur and i just texted karl to come

 **wilby** : he just dragged me out of my apartment

 **wilby** : also eat sand

 **wilby:** i don’t know why i typed that but it sounds important

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : wait wait youre on to something

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : we do use sand during some of the pyrotechnics set-up

 **NotFound** : yeah sand does actually put out fires

 **NotFound** : cutting oxygen supply to the fire and all

 **these boots are made for walkin** : ???

 **these boots are made for walkin** : am i the only one seeing something wrong with this plan

 **Philza Minecraft:** Good point Eret

 **Philza Minecraft:** Where the hell are they both going to find a bucket of sand inside the kitchen??

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : outside?? george can give it to em

 **NotFound** : they’re locked inside the kitchen fundy

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : oh

 **punzzz** : try using a heavy blanket to smother the flames if you got one

 **honkkarl** : omw to the studio w/ some people

 **honkkarl** : try using salt

 **honkkarl** : like... use huge amounts of salt and pour it on top of the fire

 **snapmap** : oh u dumbasses

 **snapmap** : why are u debating salt, blankets n sand

 **snapmap** : USE THE FUCKING FIRE EXTINGUISHERS

 **dreamXD** : ^^

 **j-money** : lmao the pyromaniacs telling you what to do

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : surprisingly snapmap makes a good point

 **snapmap** : oh fuck you guys

 **j-money** : you wish

 **snapmap** : ew no

 **skeepy** : way ahead of u guys

 **skeepy** : me n bad r on the way

 **goodgirlhalo** : How did they even sneak in??

 **goodgirlhalo** : We have Quackity banned because of the pizza crisis

 **goodgirlhalo** : And we all collectively agreed that Tommy being near the kitchens is a bad idea

 **a Child** : I have my Ways

 **dreamXD** : why and how are you still typing

 **a Child** : I am breathing through pure Spite

 **dreamXD** : my fuking god

 **dreamXD** : PUT WET CLOTH OVER YOUR NOSE. DAMP CLOTH, NOT DRIPPING-WET CLOTH

 **dreamXD** : AND DO NOT BREATHE IN THE SMOKE TOMMY

 **honkkarl** : jesus christ also do the same to quackity

 **chilling in cedar rapids** : thansk for lookign out for me babe

 **honkkarl** : don’t fucking talk to me 

**wilby** : _[picture of three fire extinguishers on the ground]_

 **wilby** : do you think this is enough

 **snapmap** : we r talking abt tommy n quackity here 

**dreamXD** : clearly not

 **dreamXD** : give me two minutes to speedrun at your location i’ll get more with you

 **a Child** : Gave your advice a try Dream

 **a Child** : Big Q is rocking back and forth while whispering “Im just chilling in cedar rapids” repeatedly

 **j-money** : fine fine i’m coming mi amor

 **honkkarl** : @ the studio w/ the boys

 **honkkarl** : what do you want us to do

 **Philza Minecraft:** Get the extinguishers

 **wilby** : they’re not gonna be there anymore

 **goodgirlhalo** : Skeppy, Dream, Wilbur and I took them all

 **Philza Minecraft** : Good

 **Philza Minecraft** : You can come meet with the rest of the on-site crew members, Karl

 **steve rogers kinnie** : next step of the plan is the most crucial one: get them out of there

 **punzzz** : also @ the studio w/ eret & fundy

 **punzzz** : what abt the building tho

 **wilby** : we can burn that bridge when we get there

 **Philza Minecraft:** Most important objective is to just get them the hell out of there

 **goodgirlhalo** : We have alerted the remaining crew members and are fixing up a plan to extinguish the fire

 **skeepy** : basically dw abt the building

 **a Child** : Is captain puffy there

 **skeepy** : yes

 **skeepy** : shes gonna kick your ass

 **a Child** : I can already feel the bruises manifesting

* * *

**TECHNOBLADE’S APARTMENT**

It is at some ungodly hour in the morning when Technoblade wakes up and feels the impeccable sense of someone’s phenomenal fuck-up deep in his bones.

He involuntarily shivers as he blinks tiredly at his ceiling.

There is someone he knows that could be in possible mortal danger, but... whatever. He knows that whoever they are, they could manage well without him.

Because... _is it worth losing sleep over?_

Neh.

 _Prime bless the idiots involved_ , Techno decides.

He shifts around in bed, and falls asleep.

* * *

**GROUP CHAT**

**wilby** : okay we have a problem

 **wilby** : the door is actually barricaded

 **wilby** : as in... blocked with chairs. 

**NotFound** : and a few tables

 **NotFound** : maybe some stools

 **dreamXD** : i can’t kick down the door

 **dreamXD** : and i can’t bust it open with the extinguishers

 **Philza Minecraft** : Oh god fucking dammit

 **j-money** : have you tried round-house kicking the door

 **dreamXD** : do you want me to break my fucking foot

 **j-money** : hey i’m just giving suggestions

 **goodgirlhalo** : Oh no

 **goodgirlhalo** : I should’ve brought my knife collection

 **goodgirlhalo** : Dang it

 **wilby** : to everybody who officially started the monthly manhunt day

 **wilby** : fuck you man the axes from the fire prevention kits have been confiscated because of you

 **goodgirlhalo** : Language

 **these boots are made for walkin** : wait 

**these boots are made for walkin** : technoblade’s real weapon collection

 **punzzzz** : i don’t know abt that

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : yeah do we really want to get techno-plane’d

 **Philza Minecraft** : Idea has merit

 **Philza Minecraft** : Did he bring them to the studio during the last recording session

 **snapmap** : yeah. i know cause he chased me around with it 

**snapmap** : it was terrifying

 **snapmap** : i don’t know if he brought it home tho

 **Philza Minecraft** : Someone check on prop dep’s lockers

 **NotFound** : i’ll go check. what’s his password

 **Philza Minecraft** : 41532

 **NotFound** : why is he the only one who has a five-number combination lock

 **wilby** : he bought it for the sole purpose of remembering how he draws his stars by point

 **punzzzz** : are we really considering death by technoblade

 **wilby** : he’ll get it 

**wilby** : today is a desperate, desperate time

 **dreamXD** : besides if he didn’t allow it he would text against it by now

 **Philza Minecraft** : You’re saying that now as if Techno isn’t asleep. I bet he’s ignoring this because he’s just sleeping

 **dreamXD** : well he has some. abilities. 

**wilby** : he values nothing more than sleep

 **wilby** : other than potatoes, and the grind

 **wilby** : he is not going to wake up for this

 **dreamXD** : listen

 **dreamXD** : i swear to god that man is all-seeing or something when it comes to his weapon collection

 **Philza Minecraft** :

 **Philza Minecraft** : He’s asleep Dream

 **dreamXD** : im just saying

 **NotFound** : found it

 **dreamXD** : take the axe 

**j-money** : wait hold on, why are you guys giving dream a reason to chop shit

 **j-money** : are we forgetting the last time we let dream touch a blade while on two hours of sleep

 **j-money** : did you even sleep tonight dream

 **dreamXD** : no but thanks for the concern schlatt

 **chilling in cedar rapids** : BECASUEWERELITERALLYABTTODIE????

 **wilby** : also he’s the only person on set right now aside from hbomb who knows how to use an actual blade

 **punzzzz** : 

**wilby** : WELL YOU’RE NOT HERE BY THE KITCHENS WITH US PUNZ

 **dreamXD** : no wait wait hes right get another blade for punz george 

**dreamXD** : after i waste energy chopping down the door, he can clear the way with a blade

 **NotFound** : mk

 **punzzzz** : get the sword

 **j-money** : jfc you poor poor souls i’m coming over with an energy drink

 **NotFound** : DO NOT

 **snapmap** : that’s even a worse idea schlatt

 **j-money** : well how the fuck is he gonna chop down a door if he doesn’t hv energy to do so

 **dreamXD** : get me the monster energy khaos blend please

 **j-money** : i got you

 **skeepy** : hey guys phil told me to tell u that the plan is ready 2 go 

**skeepy** : we just need 2 get the two out first

 **wilby** : we’re just waiting on george and schlatt 

**NotFound** : i am hauling two heavy blades through multiple hallways and up the stairs at 3 fucking am 

**NotFound** : surprise, surprise bitch

 **NotFound** : it’s getting really tiring wilbur 

**j-money** : i’m getting drinks for all of us combined

 **NotFound** : do you have coffee

 **snapmap** : do you hv carbonated melon milk

 **j-money** : that sounds disgusting but i won’t judge

 **wilby** : stop lying schlatt you’re judging him rn

* * *

**STUDIO’S KITCHEN AREA; OUTSIDE**

”Quick,” Dream urges, one hand on the axe handle and tapping his fingers impatiently against it. He squints, spotting Jschlatt turn left to the corner of their hallway with two plastic bags of drinks in his hands.

There is a brief grimace on the newcomer’s face as he spots the reinforced glass window behind them showing the ongoing fire and two figures swamped in a hazy gray cloud of smoke before he smoothens his expression over and begins to loudly proclaim about the arrival of their drinks. 

The people gathered in front of the door with wet rags — or if they had masks — on their face begin to raid the bag in search of their beverages of choice. They stay a safe distance far from the two of them as Punz waits on standby for Dream to start chopping, and Schlatt tosses him his drink.  
  
Dream barely manages to catch the can of Monster Energy drink in his free hand as he cracks the lid, slides his face mask down and begins to gulp.

In a impressive move, he drinks it all in one gulp before setting the empty can down, and pulls up his own makeshift mask. He waits for the caffeine to kick in and—

If he notices the others slightly back away from him in fear — well, he doesn’t.

He just relaxes, his body starting to vibrate like a tense wire and his mind steadily gaining clarity and sharpness as he grips the leather axe handle in both of his hands. He grins a little.

He raises the axe and begins to hack at the door.

* * *

**TWITTER:**

**Wilbur Soot✔️|@WilburSoot**

what a fucking wild night 

**_[blurry video of dream, bleary-eyed and in his pajamas, holding an axe and still vibrating a little. there are sirens in the distance, and the area is still pretty much smokey. george and sapnap are in the background holding a blanket. in sync, they throw the blanket over dream’s head. sapnap confiscates the axe and they both carry him off.]_ **

_2.3K comments and 3.1K retweets_

_117.3K likes_

* * *

**IN THE MORNING, GROUP CHAT:**

**TOOB:** you guys know that this couldve been preventde if you answred nikis calls

 **TOOB** : or if you didnt hang up on me tommy

 **a Child** : Please shut up tubbo

 **niki:** and we could have told you how to make gingerbread the way you guys wanted to

 **chilling in cedar rapids** : sorry tubbo and niki :(

 **a Child** : Sorry niki

 **a Child** : Shut up tubbo

 **these boots are made for walkin** : i can’t believe you guys

 **these boots are made for walkin** : do you guys even have a recipe prepared

 **a Child** : Yes

 **chilling in cedar rapids** : i accidentally used it to wipe my fingers and smudged it

 **niki** : did you guys watch a video before starting to bake?

 **a Child** : Yes

 **chilling in cedar rapids:** no we didn’t tommy

 **these boots are made for walking** : so that’s why

 **these boots are made for walking** : you don’t put yeast in gingerbread dough

 **niki** : ^

 **TOOB** : ^

 **TOOB** : The reason the yeast also didnt rise for the pizza

 **TOOB** : Is because nutritional yeast is deactivated, its not going to rise

 **niki** : also you didn’t toss it enough times^^

 **TOOB** : ^^

 **chilling in cedar rapids** :

 **goodgirlhalo** : Did you guys even remember to wash your hands

 **goodgirlhalo** : Or did you just forget about it half-way through?

 **these boots are made for walkin** : ^^^

 **niki** : ^^^

 **a Child** : i

 **a Child** : i just stopped caring

 **TOOB** : it was a safety hazard

 **chilling in cedar rapids** :

 **chilling in cedar rapids** : i hate cooking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALSO DREAM 14 MIL AND STREAMYS? SAPNAP HITTING 2 MIL? PHILZA HITTING 1 MIL ON TWITCH? WILBUR RELEASING YNBF? DRISTA STREAM? QUACKITY N KARL MEETUP? WE’RE WINNING SO MUCH.
> 
> comments, kudos n bookmarks fuel me! consider leaving one if you enjoy this crackfest so far :)


	2. deck the halls (with Mistlefoe™️)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> purpled and tommy in the same room? a cat fight waiting to be set up.
> 
> but purpled and tommy in a get-along shirt? all he wants to say is that it is a natural disaster, and tubbo wants to bang his head against the wall.
> 
> or: deck the halls (with Mistlefoe™️)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mistlefoe concept does not belong to me, but it belongs to tumblr user edens-blog. i also know that technoblade using real weapons on set is not my original head anon, but i can’t find it. i’ll update when i can, but please do lmk if you know who did it.
> 
> note: if you see any writing errors — you didn’t. i hate typing on a laptop because apparently i tap too lightly, touch-screen typing is way better. enjoy :)

**STUDIO**

It’s not Purpled’s fault they’re stuck together.

He’s trying to be a responsible dude. All he did was prevent another kitchen fire from happening ever again and _he’d die on that hill_ as he said to Philza while dragging TommyInnit — who was formerly lurking around the kitchen area — behind him. 

Philza took one look at Tommy with duct tape on his mouth, and struggling with duct tape around his wrists and sighed.

Yeah. They’re now stuck in a get-along shirt while also simultaneously trying to help with decors all because Ponk, Wilbur and Techno ganged on both of them, dared that they _couldn’t_ help with decorating and such while being stuck together.

The one thing they have in common? Being a stubborn bastard.

So they’re now chilling with Tubbo (read as: following him around while TommyInnit bitches about their current situation and Purpled stops himself from yelling at him that _it's not worth the energy bitching on_ for like... six times) and tackling another challenge they’d set up for themselves: hanging up the boughs of holly on top of the hallways by themselves.

Purpled wants to either hysterically laugh or jump in... real life lava. He’s got no problem with the balance thing as they step up and down the ladder, because he can easily adjust to the additional weight dragging him down, but he forgets that TommyInnit is a clumsy, clumsy...

”I AM NOT CLUMSY, YOU SON OF A BITCH,” Tommy yells right in his ear as he misses a step on the stepladder and almost faceplants to the floor — if not for the fact that Purpled is there to support them both. He nearly snorts, and Tubbo is a few steps below them, holding the box with boughs of holly. He can tell that the brunette is really, really trying hard to be a supportive friend.

 _Laugh with me,_ Purpled mentally urges to Tubbo, who is trying his hardest to act like a statue.

It would make for a hilarious viral video, but he decides that it was not worth it dragging himself into the mess and ruining his own rep as Tommy steps through one of the gaps, and it’s only by God’s divine intervention when his arm inside the shirt immediately shoots out to steady the other blond, who swears up a storm and — _victory —_ Tubbo starts cackling.

“I AM NOT CLUMSY,” Tommy screeches again loudly, as if trying to convince them and himself as he drops the bough of holly, and the other end of it catches on the step he’s on. He almost slips again on it, and— yes, Purpled’s still there to catch him.

He swears again. 

Purpled and Tubbo just laugh louder and harder.

* * *

**OUTDOOR SET; PONK'S SIXTH LEMON TREE**

Quackity is losing his shit.

”Do it again,” he demands as compensation for the amount of times that George slept through their scenes, and this is fair, okay? 

George sighs like a drama queen, burdened with doing a simple favor from someone who carried the election scene and deserves the entertainment from the colorblind bitch. But he rolls up his sleeves, balances the five other balls in one arm as he snatches two more balls from the decor set.

And he begins to juggle them.

Sam beside them gets more wide-eyed, as if he hadn’t seen it two times already.

And you know what? His reaction is excusable, because the magic and the novelty of being the only two people alive to see GeorgeNotFound juggle doesn’t wear off and both of them are _losing_ their minds.

Correction: three people. Quackity notices Callahan looking over at them, before shrugging and going back to... checking off something off a list as he follows Ponk - who was busy fawning over his newly decorated lemon tree to notice the absolute show going on, and they are seriously missing out on quality entertainment. 

They're all here to support Ponk and his request to decorate the sixth lemon tree, right? The only problem is that it's cold - _freezing_ \- and he's bored. So while he was hanging the lights and wrapping them around branches and whatnot - George had the brilliant idea of taking the three biggest ornamental balls and beckoned Quackity to come nearer.

There was a sinking feeling in his gut that alerted him that somewhere in the prop warehouse, Bad was about to have a near heart attack.

He elected to ignore it, and he’s pretty thoroughly entertained now that he's watching George juggle seven ornamental balls in the same time without dropping any yet.

"Do it again," he demands.

* * *

 **skeepy** : bads having a near heart attack

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : again???

 **punzzzz** : what do you guys mean 'again'

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : i was hanging out with prop dep today

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : and this is happened already

 **j-money** : can vouch 

**j-money** : happened four times today

 **goodgirlhalo** : Well I'M SORRY

 **goodgirlhalo** : It's not even a heart attack, stop exaggerating

 **skeepy** : yeah ur heart just almost stops

 **skeepy** : i wonder if that sounds like... a heart attack

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : that sounds almost like cardiac arrest

 **skeepy** : no. its a heart attack

 **these boots are made for walkin** : okay i'll bite

 **these boots are made for walkin** : why did bad have a heart attack

 **skeepy** : whoever did it knows what they did

 **snapmap** : fine if nobody wants to say it i will

 **snapmap** : which one of u fucks decided to play with the decors again

 **goodgirlhalo** : Language Sapnap

 **Philza Minecraft** : Wdym

 **skeepy** : everytime a decor nearly touches the ground

 **skeepy** : bad gets an ominous heart attack

 **goodgirlhalo** : No, I do not??

 **wilby** : i'm in my office. and i can still tell that you're bullshitting us

 **goodgirlhalo** : Language >:(

 **life gives you lemons** : _[blurry video of the lemon tree in the foreground while Quackity chants "DO IT AGAIN!" at George, who is juggling seven ornamental balls.]_

 **chilling in cedar rapids** : ponk.

 **chilling in cedar rapids** : why did you bust us

 **life gives you lemons** : You were giving bad a heart attack

 **life gives you lemons** : Thats all the reason I need

 **skeepy** : george and quackity?

 **steve rogers kinnie** : yes

 **chilling in cedar rapids** : wtf sam was also with us man why didnt you bust him

 **steve rogers kinnie** : he was a respectable distance away 

**steve rogers kinnie** : he did nothing wrong

 **life gives you lemons** : ^^

 **life gives you lemons** : hard emphasis on quackity btw

 **skeepy** : good enough 4 me

 **skeepy** : thank u callahan & ponk

 **NotFound** : is skeppy coming for us

 **punzzzz** : i think niki's with him too

 **wilby** : i can see them coming from the window

 **j-money:** thats also sapnap with them

 **these boots are made for walkin** : in short, you’re doomed

 **snapmap** : start running gogy

 **NotFound:** shut up snapmap

 **snapmap** : i am getting tired of being impulse control for the decor inventory

 **snapmap** : wherever youre going, get me one too skeepy

 **skeepy** : i got u

 **Philza Minecraft** : Hmm yeah I can hear them stomping

 **j-money** : oh you boys are done for

 **goodgirlhalo** : Skeppy please don't

 **skeepy** : i suddenly cant read

 **goodgirlhalo** : Niki?

 **niki** : Yes Bad?

 **goodgirlhalo** : Please stop them

 **niki** : No promises :( but I'll try

 **snapmap** : niki just told us to go feral

 **skeepy** : LETS GOOO

 **niki** : I did no such thing

 **niki** : I just said to do what you want to do without maiming anyone

 **skeepy** : basically we go feral

 **snapmap** : YEAHHHHHH LETS GO

 **chilling in cedar rapids** : niki :(

 **niki** : Sorry, Quackity

 **niki:** I can’t do anything about it

 **niki** : I'm just following them around

 **goodgirlhalo** : Oh my God

 **goodgirlhalo** : You know what I give up

 **goodgirlhalo** : Good luck you muffinheads

 **chilling in cedar rapids** : WHATS HAPPENING

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : they just

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : took some knives from techno's weapon collection

 **NotFound** : wtf they cant do that

 **oink oink fucker** : well they can now

 **oink oink fucker** : those knives are called daggers, you peasants

 **skeepy** : thnx techno

 **oink oink fucker** : if you damage the blade

 **oink oink fucker** : i'm coming for your head

 **oink oink fucker:** also i recommend you get the crossbow instead of taking all of my daggers. i can see you struggling to carry most of them lol

 **snapmap** : ohohoho sweet

 **oink oink fucker** : do not use up all of my bolts. and get the safe-proof ones

 **oink oink fucker** : you got that snapnap?

 **snapmap** : sir yes sir

 **skeepy** : dw techno we'll be careful w/ it

 **chilling in cedar rapids** : well shit

 **NotFound** : don’t worry techno’s weapon collection has been safe-proofed

 **oink oink fucker** : i think you should worry less about the weapons and more about skeppy and sapnap in general

 **oink oink fucker** : well niki if you want to be specific shes the impulse control here

 **chilling in cedar rapids** : can you give us like five minutes

 **skeepy** : we'll give you thirty

 **NotFound** : wow thanks

 **snapmap** : thirty seconds

 **goodgirlhalo** : And can you please just hang the ornaments on the lemon tree while you're at it

 **niki** : I will Bad

 **niki** : See you soon <3

* * *

**TWITTER**

**Ponk | @DropsByPonk**

They’re freaking out over Bad having a heart attack while Im still here wondering how George knows how to juggle

_364 comments and 720 retweets_

_17.8K likes_

* * *

**STUDIO**

In the span of two hours following him around, Purpled and Tommy's teamwork became impressive.

And it is a pain in the ass, because both of them were getting along with a lot of complaining and whining on Tommy’s part, but even that soon stopped after Tommy stopped falling down about thirty minutes ago and somehow they non-verbally figured out how to shadow each other’s movements.

And now they’re smug and proud that they finished tying up their end of the bough first. Wow.

Tubbo likes them both. Tommy is his best friend, and while Purpled seems intimidating, he’s pretty fun to be around. Plus... they’re now discussing a preposition to make a new youtube group of some sort. Huh. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say that Tommy was being petty and trying to mock his and Sapnap’s alliance on the old villager farm thing that got torn down. It was a long, long time ago — Tubbo barely remembers the details, but Tommy can hold a grudge because He’s Tommyinnit, and he is petty. That’s all the reason he needs to give.

They’re on the south wing of the studio, hanging up the last of the boughs and ready to call it a day, go home and get ready for the actual Christmas party when the topic of mistletoe came up.

All three teenagers grimace at the lone swath of mistletoe in the middle of the box, currently debating if they should hang it up or not.

“I’m saying the idea has merit,” Tubbo says. “It’s a traditional thing for Christmas, alright? Let’s just hang it up.”

Tommy looks at him. He can feel the judging stare that says _am I hearing shit_ in Tommy’s squint. “They’re only for romantically setting people up, Tubbo. Is there any emotionally constipated people that we need to set up?”

Tubbo looks over to Purpled, who looks away with a slight shrug inside the huge shirt. “Hey, both of you make good points — I just really don’t care about the mistletoe. Don’t mind me.”

Tommy elbows Purpled inside the huge shirt, and he misses, judging from the fact that Purpled’s expression doesn’t change and Tommy gets even more indignant. “We’re stuck together, asshole — I literally couldn’t _not_ mind you.”

Tubbo shrugs, and opens his phone. “Let’s settle this the GC way then?”

* * *

 **TOOB:** alright guys do we hang up the mistletoe

 **a Child:** They wouldnt want the mistletoe up Tubbo

 **snapmap** : dont listen to tommy, tubbo. 

**Philza Minecraft:** Justdo it please Tubbo

 **these boots are made for walkin:** Bad doesn’t want any other decors out of commission

 **these boots are made for walkin:** Please hang them up

 **j-money:** ^^

 **punzzzz:** ^^

 **goodgirlhalo:** ^^

 **life gives you lemons:** ^^

 **skeepy:** ^^

 **wilby** : ^^

 **snapmap** : just do it tubbo

 **wilby** : yeah everything else had been hung up with mistletoe 

**a Child** : What the fuck

* * *

So now, they’re on it. Tubbo is on one end and patiently tying up the bough while Purpled and Tommy are chilling/fighting by the other stepladder, all the while switching between debating about women, the Queen of England and—

”Wait, wait — wait if... instead of kissing, they just knock the hell out of each other under the mistletoe.”

Tubbo briefly stops.   
  
What.

”I think this is more out of _I just want an outlet for my unnecessary drama and my emotional constipation_ than being bothered about the thought of people kissing under the mistletoe.”

“Shut it.”

That’s... a slightly cool concept. Tubbo’s no mean guy, but there are occasional moments where he’d like to bash a brick in someone’s face. Either he’s just has internalized violent tendencies or it’s the consequences from hanging out with TommyInnit.

“Someone’s halls are getting decked,” Tommy half-warbles under his breath as Purpled laughs and they both shake the ladder in their laughter. They start to sing as Tubbo sits on on the top step of his stepladder, task finished and now singing along to same line three times over because none of them remembered the lyrics to the rest of the song aside from that _fa la la la la_ part. 

There’s the very jolly Christmas spirit that makes Tubbo smile bright, sing louder and laugh harder —

And... he falters, mid-song.

There are two people in the hallway looking at them weirdly but fondly enough in that eternally confused way that said _I don’t know what’s happening but I support you?_

Guess who?  


It’s Dream and Techno.  


Underneath the mistletoe... which is not a good situation to explain to them about why they were singing about someone’s halls getting decked.

“Hi,” Dream waves at them, and he waves back. “What are you guys doing up on ladders?”

”Hanging up the holly,” Tubbo waves at the item in question and he inwardly cringes immediately because _wrong, wrong, wrong response. M ow he needs to do some damage control before the other two imply a fistfight about to happen—_

Sadly, best friends are apparently so in sync that Tommy gets the same idea, opens his mouth and — Tubbo shoots him a look. He knows what the look means. It’s the _Big Law doesn’t allow shit, bitch_ look, and Tommy is rightfully supposed to be terrified.

Tommy shuts his mouth.

But the crisis is still not averted, because he forgets that Purpled is not afraid of everything and anything — _including Big Law and Big Crime_ — which makes him slightly less terrifying than Technoblade on coffee but more terrifying than the prospect of Ponk chasing you because you did something mortally wrong to his lemon tree.

Purpled also has no qualms about his life being in mortal danger, which sucks because the guy cups his one hand to his mouth and Tubbo tries to give him the warning look that he shoots Tommy — but he either doesn’t care or doesn’t feel anything.

“Hey man,” Purpled greets loudly and belatedly, and points at the bough of holly they hung up over the hallway.  


There’s the small piece of mistletoe there, and apparently the two rivals notice it, get the idea and slightly edge away from each other. _Yes, yes — don’t listen to him—_

“No, no, no— you’re getting it wrong,” Purpled says as Tommy tries to elbow him in the stomach and misses. Again. Tubbo barely resists the urge to bang his head on the wall as he watches the verbal train derail and get wrecked in front of him. “New tradition! Mistletoe — but instead of kissing, you beat the hell out of someone.”

The two people blink, and TommyInnit breaks down.

“Mistlefoe™️—“ Tommy snickers and... oh, God. Why is Tubbo impulse control in this situation again?

And the rivals don’t blink at each other.

It’s at this point when Tubbo wishes he had his phone on him instead of it being on the floor with the empty box of decorations, because he throws all caution out of the window and _what the hell anyways._ This is all in good entertainment for the sake of the Christmas spirit, and what do they want him to do as damage control, anyways? Get pummeled by getting in between Dream and Techno?

And maybe he also wants a bag of popcorn because the tense, ominous atmosphere stretching between Dream and Technoblade is basically sending out a huge signal of _oh, shit’s about to go down._

And the three teenagers sit on top of the stepladders — _safe and far away from any action_ —  watching in rapt attention as Tommy and Purpled give each other smug fist-bumps and— Well, Tubbo’s really interested in what’s about to happen. 

Technoblade serenely smiles, draws his right fist back and—

* * *

**TWITTER**

** Punz |@Punztw **

caught it on 4k

**_[blurry video where Dream and Techno both look up at the mistletoe hanging behind them + Purpled & Tommy commentary before Techno smiles and drives his right fist into Dream’s stomach. Dream then catches Techno in the jaw with a left hook.]_**

_1.7K comments and 1.5K retweets_

_65.9K likes_

**Dream✔️|@Dream** _replied to your tweet_

good fight @Technothepig

 **Technoblade✔️|@Technothepig** _replied to Dream_

you win this round @Dream but I’LL BE BACK FOR THAT CLOUT. TRAINING ARC BEGINS

* * *

**Tubbo |@TubboLive**

fight club fight club fight club fight club

_1.4K comments and 1.64K retweets_

_59.1K likes_

* * *

_Pinned📌 by Purpled_

**Purpled |@burpled**

I claim Mistlefoe™️ as a new christmas tradition

_942 comments and 1K retweets_

_40.2K likes_   
  


**TommyInnit |@tommyinnit** _replied to your tweet_

wtf I came up with that you Bitch boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos, comments n bookmarks fuel me! if you enjoy what you read so far, because consider leaving one :)
> 
> and i'm planning on entering a writing competition so i've been warming up to write like a 5k oneshot. i hv word goals for specific projects i have in mind n so i might take a while to publish a chapter on the actors au. dw, i’ll post another chapter before the 25th :)
> 
> i might also write something based on that podcast: “george, i’m going to blow up. come with me?” alsjskajsk for real i’m ready to die trying to research n write that fic
> 
> btw i’m writing the final chapter of this fic, and it will be posted on dec. 25 :> merry christmas in advance.


	3. ‘tis the season to be jolly; f(ire again)a la la la la

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which we are fashionably late to the christmas party and this fever dream includes but is not limited to: manhunts, secret santa, fundy’s brand new fursuit, georgenotfound, fireworks and a very responsible amount of alcohol & caffeine. maybe not in that order, but you get the idea.
> 
> or: ‘tis the season to be jolly; _f(ire again)a la la la la_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ngl this got away from me
> 
> i have so many other scenes planned - i wanted to put in the recent quackity + karl + dream team “can you be a millionaire” as a drunk party thing, but then i realized this was gonna be longer than an actual actors!au chapter. so take this, i’ll go through this maybe later for updates
> 
> twitter format is such a pain in the ass to write. can you tell i gave up halfway lmao
> 
> yes i re-named the show Dream SMP: L’Manberg to make it more epic and more professional than just Dream SMP. this change in title will show up about mid-season 1 so... episode 14 maybe
> 
> anyways, merry christmas and happy reading <3 ty for the support

**TWITTER:**

**Tubbo |@TubboLive**

What even is the point of friendship if you dont do this with your best pal? :DD

**_[picture of Tommy & Tubbo in matching ugly Christmas sweaters]_ **

_2.5K comments and 2.1K retweets_

_93.4K likes_

**TommyInnit |@tommyinnit** _replied to your tweet_

Protip: dont actually force people to wear ugly sweaters

_2.8K comments and 2.1K retweets_

_86.3K likes_

* * *

**Big Man** : What the hell Tubbo

**small T** : Why

**Big Man** : [screenshot of the tweet]

**Big Man** : The point of this friendship is to NOT post the ugly sweaters picture 

**small T** : But you bougfh those sweaters Tommy

**Big Man** : I wasnt expecting you to remember a gag gift I bought you a year ago

**small T** : But you expect me to remeber all your breakroom gossip drama???

**Big Man** : I cant believe my best friend is slandering me

**small T** : Go cry a river rhen

**Big Man** : Who the fuck are you and where is Tubbo

**small T** : Tubbo is sick of your bullshir

**Big Man** : Hahaah bullshir

**small T** : Shut up

**small T** : I wasnt expecting you to protest given that you demanded a lot of pictures from Wilbur and Phil

**Big Man** : It was funny at the time

**small T** : Stop lying

** small ** **T:** We had two witnesses present at the time

**small T** : If you didnt actually want them up youd have told me by now

**Big Man** : WHAT DO YOU MEAN ??

**Big Man** : THATS EXACTLY WHAT IVE BEEN TELLING YOU

**small T** : Thats not what Im hearing

**small T** : You liked and retweeted it Tommy

**Big Man** : and??

**small T** : I know you bookmarked it Tommy dont lie to yourself

**Big Man** : 

**Big Man** : You win this one

* * *

Sam squints as he nudges a buried trough in the dirt pit as the sun sets in the distance.

Huh.

The three people comprising of the special effects team stood back as they looked over their layout of firework set-up buried in the dirt. They had about a couple reinforced troughs filled with fine sand to make sure they could safely position the fireworks and secured with stakes.

Well, fine. Maybe Sam didn’t trust George with securing the spikes — so now he has to go over all of it again with Fundy, who was holding a protractor to make sure they didn’t overestimate the angle they positioned their fireworks at, while George started connecting the fireworks with a fuse.

Why would they even have fireworks for a Christmas party? Sam doesn’t know. Apparently, someone in upper management thought that it would be cool if people could combine their Christmas Party with a New Year’s Eve-themed closing to make up for the fact that nobody else was allowed on set for the rest of the following two weeks. 

And they were told it was to be a surprise for everybody else not involved in the set-up. So they’ve asked Puffy and Bad for help in covering it up — and the special effects crew made sure it was as memorable as it got.

He sits back down on the dirt with George and Fundy going over the electric detonator and making sure it runs smoothly.

It’s normally advisable to plan it out and start set-up in the morning, but then George ( _hint-hint: it’s always George_ ) got involved in that mini-feud with Sapnap, Skeppy _and_ Niki about the Christmas decors — and by God’s grace, Sam didn’t get dragged into it so _hallelujah_ — and it took both him and Fundy all day to secretly smuggle George out of the studio.

He can’t really tell much about it, but they whipped up a plan involving the vents, forcing George into fitting inside a rolled up blanket and carrying him through the Sewers’ secret tunnels leading out to the parking area. _Freedom_ , George had almost cried on the spot as they unraveled him from his burrito blanket prison.

Couldn’t blame George, though. It was truly freedom from a very cruel chase that Quackity faced alone and refused to talk about, and now he owes him _and_ Fundy.

He has some faith, because he knows it’s all gonna work out. They had a blast picking up a variety of firework shells and mentally planning it all out all afternoon — they’ve been carefully safe in setting it all up, and he’s gone over the plan _twice_ to correct anything that could go bad.

But to be fair — he’s wishing for something to go perfectly as planned in a studio _where things tend to go wack_ _on a regular basis_ , so Sam sighs and lets himself dream.

* * *

**TWITTER:**

**Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial**

Merry Christmas to everybody from the entire cast!

And to celebrate this Christmas, here is a thread of what you’re missing out on during the Christmas Party!

_4.7K comments and 5.1K retweets_

_256.3K likes_

**Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

Purpled is currently fistfighting TommyInnit for the patent rights over Mistlefoe™️, which they have not yet resolved since earlier in the afternoon

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

Update: they have ceded the floor to Quackity and Technoblade

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

Update on the Mistlefoe™️ saga: Quackity runs away like a coward and cries in distress. Technoblade hasn’t done anything yet

 **Quackity |@Quackity** _replied to Dream SMP: L’Manberg’s tweet  
_

he threatened to put a pickaxe through my teeth wtf do you mean he didnt do anything

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

Technoblade doesn’t have a pick axe and you cried in fear of this bold-faced lie even though you know he doesn’t have a pickaxe

* * *

”Who the fuck is tweeting this shit out?” Quackity says as he scrolls through Twitter on his phone while huddling with Karl and Sapnap, who are both chilling out in the couples’ bean bags they got for the first part of the Secret Santa. He’s a little sad at being left out because... he’s part of this on-screen throuple with his best friends but _he_ didn’t get a bean bag.

 _This treatment was highly unfair_ , he had whined when he propped up his head on Sapnap’s knee.

Sapnap flicks a piece of crumpled gift wrapper at him as Karl snorts and begins to eat a Hot Pocket, fresh out of the breakroom’s microwave. He doesn’t know how Karl manages it without going _hafvashahafcshahvshahca fuck shit this is hot what the fuck_ and choking on it but hey. This cast is full of surprises.

“It’s what happened. Why are you even surprised, babe?” Sapnap asks him, holding Karl’s water bottle.

”But I _didn’t_ cry,” Quackity pouts, and Karl almost spits it out before Sapnap puts a hand on his back and forces water down Karl’s throat. 

”Yeah, you screamed in fear and curled into a ball,” Karl interjects, taking a breath. He relentlessly bites again into the Hot Pocket, refusing to give in to the heat. _Yikes_. “Be lucky they weren’t near enough to know the difference.”

”It was a manly screech.“ He argues, because no, he _didn’t_ scream. This is a thing that he can back up as a fucking fantastic law student, alright?

As Tubbo said: _listen to the man of law, bitches._

But then again — _nobody listens to him._ Both of his friends roll their eyes as Dream announces the next round of Secret Santa, and this is where Quackity starts pitying himself.

* * *

 **Quackity |@Quackity** _replied to Dream SMP: L’Manberg’s tweet_

listen i dont know who the hell is running the account rn but all men do is eat hot pocket, not charge they phone and lie

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to Quackity_

Sadly for you, I’m not Karl Jacobs but I did steal his portable charger 

Also maybe you should stop tweeting like this when you’re obviously waiting for your Secret Santa gift ;)

 **Quackity |@Quackity** _replied to Dream SMP: L’Manberg’s reply_

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW

* * *

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

Anyways, moving on with the live-tweeting updates

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

For Secret Santa round 2: somebody gives TommyInnit a replacement for his vlog guns. Luckily it has no bullets or else he’d start turning American

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

Somebody gave Niki Nihachu an actual gun. God bless Niki Nihachu

_@Nihaachu liked this tweet_

**Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

Congratulations to Eret for receiving their much-awaited strawberry dress! I hope you know that people are gonna start demanding fit checks from you, man

_@The_Eret liked this tweet_

**Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

Technoblade has received... Squid Kid merch and some relics from the Potato War. I don’t know how this is going to turn out 

**Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

Never mind. he found out that the mini-bag of potatoes Squid Kid had with him were a lot of smaller Technoblade plushies and he’s saying that he is (technically) superior after the potatoes became mini Technoblades. He’s very happy with his haul. Crisis averted

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

Moving on: Quackity’s Secret Santa gift is too much for the PG environment.. if I tweet this I’m gonna lose my job 

**Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

It’s Fundy’s turn. Never mind, crisis not averted. There goes the no-maim streak for the cast’s last day of the year together

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

Everybody knows what’s gonna happen and what to do. Don’t worry we have a drill prepared for this moment alone, just don’t panic

* * *

**CHRISTMAS PARTY**

Ah. The sweet, sweet taste of victory.

Schlatt smugly smiles as he knocks back a bottle of beer. It took him months of painstakingly smuggling in a variety of small bottles of alcohol inside the studio for this one, glorious moment alone — and he is basking in his glory.   
  
Philza sits down next to him, defeated. His jaw hurts from smiling this much, but... he’s winning and _goddamn this is a victory he’ll hold over everybody’s head for the rest of next year until he gets away with this again because he is never wrong._ Schlatt mentally pats himself on the back as he slides over a bottle to the producer, who doesn’t blink. 

“Where did I go wrong?” Phil almost faceplants on the table, lamenting as the rest of the cast go wild with the children responsibly staying away from the middle of chaos. With the obvious exception of TommyInnit — who is straight-up vibing.

Callahan is off somewhere, presumably to hide the stripper pole from Quackity’s drunk hands and store Niki’s newly-received and totally-registered glock in a locker somewhere. Smart man.

”Somewhere around the time you thought it was gonna be a great idea bringing everybody together for a party,” he snickers as he likes a particular old tweet poppin up on his timeline by GeorgeNotFound. Speaking of him, Schlatt doesn’t know where the hell he went. The last time he heard of George was about four hours earlier, leaving the studio for a special errand or some shit. He wouldn’t be surprised if the man happened to take a nap.

Phil just groans into his hands, regretting everything that happened as Schlatt scrolls through Twitter, liking tweets and replying to some. The PR department would be pissed as hell at him — but, hey. He didn’t swear, changed his typing style to be a little more professional and he’s really enjoying this. Huh. Wonder if he could persuade Phil or Callahan to give him a position in PR?

He sips from his bottle of beer as he interestedly types on his phone and patiently listens to the mixed reactions of the cast, updating the people on the official Dream SMP twitter account.

Now Schlatt has no intention of dying in that stampede even though he desperately wants to make fun of shit — but he has Twitter, a wifi signal and his phone. He can make fun of them from afar, and as a bonus, bully them on the internet with loads of strangers.

Fundy is next — and it doesn’t matter who the fuck is his Secret Santa, everybody in the room just _kn_ _ows_ what his gift will be. Schlatt cackles in advance, which goes unnoticed in the chaos as he nudges Phil.

Who realizes the same thing, and sighs. 

Whatever — he already has a contingency plan for this, because he’s the man with a plan. Philza and Callahan don’t have a choice but to come with him, because it’s not their problem — and they have no qualms about getting to avoid a situation with a homicidal furry.

* * *

 **chilling in cedar rapids:** what the FUCK DOES THE OFFICIAL DSMP ACCOUNT MEAN

 **chilling in cedar rapids:** DO WE ACTUALLY HAVE A PLAN FOR THIS

 **GoodGirlHalo:** It was for Dream and/or Techno

 **a Child** : not for a homicidal furry

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : niki you wouldnt mind if i borrowed the gun right

 **niki** : It’s not a registered gun, sorry fundy :(

 **wilby** : god bless niki nihachu for being our saving grace

 **niki** : ...someone anonymously said that Techno’s locker is open though

 **a Child** : WHAT

 **wilby** : oh fuck i made a mistake 

**wilby** : why niki

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : yeah you made a huge fucking mistake and you’re dead, wilbur soot

 **a Child** : What made you think yelling “Are ya a furry son” was ever a good idea 

**chilling in cedar rapids** : damn. even tommy is getting on you

 **wilby** : shut up please im gonna die and this is how you’ll all fucking leave me

 **oink oink fucker** : if i were to leave you dead it would preferrably be in a ditch

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : great idea techno

 **TOOB** : Wait why did you leave your locker unlocked Techno

 **oink oink fucker** : leave me alone

 **oink oink fucker** : i wasnt expecting to be involved in a manhunt with a furry tubbo

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU:** the fuck did you say

 **oink oink fucker:** *fundy 

**oink oink fucker** : who the hell hacked my phone to autocorrect fundy to furry

 **a Child** : Tubbo

 **TOOB** : Why me

 **a Child** : Who else hacks in this group

 **TOOB** : Fundy and George

 **a Child** : Oh youre right it would be George

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : “autocorrect“ my ass. start choking on your own blade, man

 **oink oink fucker** : now that i think about it 

**oink oink fucker:** don’t touch my weapon collection

 **IMNOTFURRYSTFU** : fuck you

 **chilling in cedar rapids** : oh god its too late we all gotta go

 **niki** : ^^

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : dw you’re safe

 **niki** : <3

 **oink oink fucker** : nice

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : not you, you little oink oink fuck. start praying to your gods, potato boy.

 **oink oink fucker** : i’ll start running then

* * *

”They what?” Alyssa almost chokes on her popcorn as she hears the rustling of leaves and a bit of cursing as Ponk scales his lemon tree.

”Hmm,” Ponk replies as the signal muffles him a bit, but that’s alright _because who would expect the reception on top of Ponk’s lemon tree to be this good that she could clearly hear him?_ Not her. “Fundy just started a manhunt right now.”

”Huh? Why would he—?”

”Basically... his Secret Santa gave him a fursuit and the rest is history,” Ponk replies, out of breath as he plops down on a branch and more leaves rustle as she assumes that he’s looking for a more comfortable position. “I think someone’s runnin’ the official show account right now and giving updates.”

”So... that’s why you climbed a tree?”

”Hey, we do what we can do to survive. Plus — the reception on top of this tree is crazy, man.”

Alyssa opens her Twitter, which has been blowing up with notifications — and the first thing on her timeline is a tweet of Schlatt, Callahan and Philza hanging out in a coffee shop and getting drinks while waiting for the chaos to settle.

”They have enough time to tweet during a manhunt?” Alyssa asks in disbelief as the show’s official Twitter account pops up on cue with a reply and she laughs. “Whoever runs the account — oh, wow, this is good commentary.”

Ponk snorts. “The group chat is chaotic as hell and whoever’s running the account is lurking in the GC too. This is one hell of a manhunt.”

Alyssa sips from her drink, and while it is sad that she misses out on some fun things ( _including but not limited to TommyInnit getting chased down by a furry in denial, which is a glorious, glorious image_ ), there are some perks to not being available to the party, which are: not stressing out about hiding & having a live commentator plus a live tweeter on her feed to keep her up to events. “So... he’s by the kitchen area?”

“How— Oh, wait. Twitter account. Right.”

A pause.

”Check Twitter, Lyss. George is _fucking_ gone now—“

* * *

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

For anyone asking: yes, we had a contingency plan but only specifically for three people only. To the rest?

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

May the odds be ever in your favor

* * *

Okay. 

So he might’ve been a little late to the party so sue him all you want, but George is only late because Callahan wanted him to drag a couple more _specific_ decors for the conference room — which took him all day to find. Those decors include but are not limited to _multiple_ cardboard cutouts of Callahan in his reindeer suit. How he managed to commission those is beyond George and he is not going to bother asking why.

And because he took a really, really long break to mentally steel himself from the oncoming shitfest that is the cast getting drunk or... something. And that break is called a nap, which is helpful when you’re a barely-functioning adult trying to live their life and trying to power through their job.

He’s hauling a box through the hallway of the studio and about three hours late to the party, which is eerily silent. Not gonna lie — he was expecting more people going feral and maybe trashing the place but whatever, then? 

It’s been more than a few minutes of silence dragging on and it is really starting to concern him. He squints as he retraces his steps. Why is the place so...?

He checks his phone, frowning at the unnecessary dark hallways. Jesus Christ. It was a Christmas party, not a horror film. He might be a dramatic bitch but this? Even too dramatic for him.

* * *

 **NotFound:** alright where the hell are you guys

 **dreamXD:** oh FUCK

 **life gives you lemons:** Lmao we forgot about George

 **life gives you lemons:** Good luck

 **TOOB** : Cant believe you hacked Technos phone just for that

 **NotFound:**? 

**NotFound:** what are you talking about

 **a Child** : This mans really dedicated to playing clueless huh

 **NotFound** : i literally have no idea of what you’re saying

 **GoodGirlHalo:** You finally showed up

 **GoodGirlHalo:** How late are you this time

 **NotFound:** listen i know im late

 **NotFound** : but its literally callahan’s fault 

**steve rogers kinnie:** the only thing that’d be my fault

 **steve rogers kinnie** : is me getting all the bitches

 **life gives you lemons:** Hell yeah get his assCallahan

 **dreamXD:** GET OUT OF THERE GEORGE

 **snapmap:** how are you even talking

 **chilling in cedar rapids:** hes dead hes dead theres no way he literally survives this

 **honkkarl:** o7 for gogy 

**NotFound:** what are you guys talking about

* * *

”Hi, Georgie.”

George drops the box, puts two and two together, figures out that Fundy had received the fursuit all of them had coined in for his Secret Santa — and _fuck._

He was the longest-running hunter out of everybody else in Manhunt and therefore the most experienced at getting the hell out of dodge, but he knows that deep in his bones: he’s _gone he’s dead he’s never gonna make it out alive—_

* * *

**GeorgeNotFound✔️|@GeorgeNotFound**

WHAT THE HELL SOMEONE HEL PME HES GONNA GET M

 **GeorgeNotFound✔️|@GeorgeNotFound** _replied to their tweet_

i got him

 **karl :)✔️|@KarlJacobs_** _replied to your tweet_

#o7forgogy

* * *

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

Manhunt Unscripted Update: First blood is George, and it has been confirmed. #o7forgogy

* * *

”Alright,” Technoblade decides. His feet are really tired, and he tugs at the collar of his sweater because it’s really, really stuffy in the underground canals. “Where are we, really?”

Sam doesn’t blink at this repeated question, but he does look increasingly confused and befuddled ever since they entered the Sewers about... twenty minutes ago. “I... don’t actually know.”

Both Punz and Puffy groan behind them as the set designer braces on the walls. “Hang on for a moment — let’s stop for a bit. If even Sam doesn’t know where we are, how the hell are we going to get back?” She asks, fanning herself with her hand.

Which is a fair question. The Sewer System weren’t actually your stereotypical dirty and toxic waste disposal system — they were well-maintained.

It just sucked that you had to waddle through about a knee-high level of real water, — which considerably slowed them down — there were no lights down here and it was a highly-confusing network of tunnels down here that looped around and Technoblade swears to God that they’ve landed in the Labyrinth of Crete but like. Reincarnated or something. 

Sam frowns. “I’m pretty sure Tommy has a nearby base somewhere around here,” he vaguely waves his hands in a gesture that Techno understands is _I actually do not know where_ , but he winces apologetically to them. 

Bless TommyInnit for coming up with the idea of the sewer system and getting it approved with Mojang that they actually made a huge network of underground tunnels underneath the entire outdoor set for this, but also... curse him for deciding to make it really, really annoying to go through. 

But hey, all four of them will take what they have. They’d rather face this kind of special hell than throw hands with a furry who invaded his weapon collection and Techno suspects that he’d lose this one fight even if he tried, and he doesn’t really feel like bruising his ego right now. They should’ve... like. Picked a page out of Theseus’ book. Grabbed a ball of string or a temporary marker or something so they don’t get lost. 

Hindsight is 20/20, but _Jesus_. Are you gonna blame him? Techno wears _glasses_. He doesn’t have 20/20 vision.

”Yeah, we might need to turn back soon unless we find Tommy’s nearest base and — nope,” Punz says in disappointment as they turn another dark corner. Puffy shines her phone’s light into the corridor and all of them collectively groan as they face another dead-end. 

Sam plops down on one of the sides of the canal, tired and frustrated. “We can continue later — break first?”

All in favor of resting their aching knees and tired feet, which was basically everybody, plopped down on the stone floor. 

Punz leans back and breaks the silence after a while. “At least we’re pretty far away from the action now,” he notes, blissfully unaware of the ominous presence lurking about five seconds away in knee-deep water. “Fundy isn’t coming this far for us.”

* * *

 **oink oink fucker:** “fundy isn’t coming this far for us”

 **oink oink fucker:** famous last words of a fool

 **a Child:** What happened

 **oink oink fucker:** fundy came this far for us

 **oink oink fucker:** we’re running

 **oink oink fucker:** THATMOTHERFUCKER JINXE D US - puffy

 **a Child:** hahahah

 **oink oink fucker:** o7 for punz - sam

 **dreamXD** : out of everyone with you guys i didnt expect punz to jinx you like that

 **oink oink fucker** : what does that mean dream

 **snapmap** : punz was a good man.

 **snapmap** : o7

 **honkkarl** : o7

 **punzzzz** : what the hell

 **punzzzz** : im in the dark. im not dead.

 **dreamXD** : how are you even texting

 **punzzzz** : i cooperated. im just stuck in a room

 **honkkarl** : sometimes we can still hear his voice

 **punzzzz** : shut it

 **j-money** : is george there with you

 **punzzzz** : hes out cold

 **Philza Minecraft:** Out of all the people I expected to knock George out

 **Philza Minecraft** : It really fucking wasn’t Fundy

 **steve rogers kinnie:** sucks to suck 

**punzzzz** : please shut up

 **punzzzz** : you ran away and youre the ones hiding away in a coffee shop rn

 **steve rogers kinnie:** my mom might’ve raised a coward

 **steve rogers kinnie** : but at least she didn’t raise a fool

 **j-money** : damn sick burn. take the L punz

 **life gives you lemons:** Callahan keeps getting your asses huh

* * *

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

Minecraft Unscripted Update: There’s an underground chase scene happening w/ Captain Puffy, Awesamdude and Technoblade. Good luck

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

Have confirmed that George is out cold and stuck with Punz somewhere. Punz is Fundy’s latest victim, so #o7forpunz, who died with a fool’s last words

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

heres the #o7forpunz from Executive Producer Callahan 

**_[ss of the official dsmp gc convo]_ **

* * *

**Wilbur Soot✔️|@WilburSoot**

LET ME IN LET ME IN

_3.5K comments and 4.1K retweets_

_156.4K likes_

**Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to Wilbur Soot_

In this tweet, Wilbur Soot is demanding to be let in by the breakroom occupants, which is fortunate because after 30 minutes of silence I forgot I was running this account

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

According to the group chat, Wilbur Soot has not been let in. What a loser

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

Manhunt Unscripted Update: Fundy is on his way. 

* * *

**Break Room**

_BANG! BANG! BANG!_

Karl — who did great at barricading the newly-put metal door as replacement for the wooden door caught in last night’s kitchen fire _—_ stops mid-bite at the muffin Bad baked for them.

“That him?” He asks, a little annoyed as he mumbles through an entire mouthful of delicious pastry.

And Sapnap gets it, y’know? Despite not knowing the rest of what Karl said, he still solidly agreed because Wilbur banging on the metal door is an absolute mood-wrecker for the chill Christmas atmosphere everybody had while hanging out in the break room. “Yeah.”

”Someone please tell him to shut up,” Bad says, frowning as he checks the oven.

Sapnap sets down his cup of hot choco, taking one for the team. Seriously — everybody’s got to be annoyed at this point and even _Niki_ is pointedly ignoring him.

”Wilbur, man — can you keep it down?” He yells over the Christmas music, hoping that Wilbur somehow hears him through the reinforced walls, windows and... yeah, the door. “We’re trying to chill here!”

Wilbur raises a middle finger at him through the window and pointedly bangs on the door louder.

Bad groans as he sets down a newly-whipped up batch of muffin that everybody in the room starts flocking to. “Can someone please get Wilbur out of here?” He asks. 

Tubbo, somewhere on the kitchen counter with Niki and Purpled, just sighs as he brings out his phone to ask for intervention. “Mhm, don’t worry about him. Fundy’s coming in a few,” he says as he takes a chocolate chip off a muffin and chomps it down. 

The banging on the doors gets impossibly louder as Wilbur looks at his phone. He can hear desperate yelling, but he can’t make out the words. Sapnap bets it’s something _what the fuck_ something _you guys can’t leave me here to die,_ and he scoffs. Of course, they can leave him there to die. It’s a solid huge middle finger to the director who plotted so many fucking weird storylines for them. Yeah, they enjoyed acting it — but Wilbur Soot deserves to get bitten back in the ass by it, y’know?

Sapnap decides that Wilbur’s frantically desperate knocks are impressive — but he doesn’t feel like getting his teeth knocked out today. And  the bean bag he dragged from the conference room and to the break room? It is really comfortable, and his legs refuse to stand up.

He shrugs at Wilbur, who gasps in betrayal behind the reinforced windows, and opts to sip at his cup as someone with an axe begins to turn his corner.

Hehe. Sapnap may like carbonated melon milk better, but a nice hot cup of chocolate was also particularly amazing when watching the current manhunt he’s sitting out on.

* * *

**wilby** : GUYS PLEASE I NEED HELP

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : Anybody who helps him will perish.

 **dreamXD** : oh god no not the proper capitalization we’re screwed

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : You’re next, bitch boy.

 **a Child** : HAHHAAH FUNDY CALLED YOU A BITCH BOY GREEN BAS

 **dreamXD** : guess who’s with me now

* * *

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

Manhunt Unscripted Update: Fundy has taken Wilbur too. To where, I have no idea

 **Fundy |@FundyLive** _replied to your tweet_

 ****nobody cares enough to ask where

 **Dream✔️|@Dream** _replied to Fundy_

 ****if anybody asks, it’s because Wilbur kept yelling “ARE YA A FURRY SON” while running away

 **Fundy |@FundyLive** _replied to Dream_

 ****shut up

* * *

There are two children bitching right next to him and Antfrost wants to scream.

Judging from Skeppy’s resigned expression and the obvious want to bang his head against the trunk of the tree— and, mood. He feels the same too, and feels like face-planting both idiots to the ground if he could.

One is TommyInnit and the other is Dream, up in a tree next to them and arguing about the consequences of hiding from Fundy as a group versus as an individual and that wouldn’t matter since both of them are screeching and everybody within a two-mile radius would be able to hear them.

A few feet away, Eret toes on a pretty flimsy branch while sticking close to his tree branch, wincing as he hears the branch creak under him. Yeah. They’re _this_ desperate to get away — but unlike Dream, they can’t all jump on trees and walk away from this scene. They would have to climb down, get away and find another tree to climb.

Which would be counter-productive, because TommyInnit argues that a group of people together would be more beneficial and follow after them. Dream — being a stubborn bastard — would follow him and keep arguing on.

All three silent people are looking and solemnly nodding to each other in a final farewell, ignoring the other two in the background. They raise their hands in a salute as they hear the rustling of leaves nearby — and Antfrost knows that it’s game over now. 

“Good run, guys,” Skeppy grimly says as the other two still don’t notice the ominous growing atmosphere of dread, still caught up in that bitching match. “Prime bless you all.”

Eret simply brings out his phone and turns it to night mode as they all hear the sounds of someone climbing the tree a few meters away from them, and judging by the way the other two people go silent — _they finally know_.

And... oh, man. Antfrost has not been paid enough for this.

* * *

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

Manhunt Unscripted Update: Eret has sent a message to the group chat. Him, Skeppy and Antfrost have survived the attack. TommyInnit is now gone but Dream narrowly escapes after he dipped

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

**_[insert shaky video of Tommy and Dream arguing, going silent and screaming as Fundy pops up. Dream lets go of his branch, and falls back-first down. Tommy gets dragged by Fundy under the leaves]_ **

**Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their tweet_

Manhunt Unscripted Update: Never mind, Fundy got Dream. No o7s for the director, but Sapnap asks to trend #taketheLdream for him

* * *

Quackity pities himself.

Here he is at the height of his career at nineteen, while also studying law, being a successful streamer in his free time and an actor in a highly-budgeted show.

Now he’s hiding in the pantry from a homicidal furry’s wrath, armed with eggs, flour and other confectionary goods. He’d really love to be with Sapnap and Karl, but Fundy went for _him_ first because he laughed harder than everyone in the room and now he got separated. He’s now fearing for his life while the other two are chilling with muffins and hot chocolate in the break room, safe from Fundy’s wrath.

This is fucking unfair.

And embarrassing as hell. But Quackity would rather be embarrassed and admit that he’s a coward than be stupid enough to face Fundy — he squints at his dimly lit phone in the dark shadows of the pantry — armed to the teeth with weapons.

Okay, that was an overstatement. Maybe not armed to the teeth with them, but he definitely had a weapon. What weapon specifically? The bastard doesn’t say what — it is just another reminder of the ominous foreshadowing of his untimely death that he desperately wants to avoid.

So now he’s in the pantry, trying to do what he does best — making the pantry his war zone in preparation for the bloodbath. Both Twitch chat and the staff have commented on his cooking ability and said that no kitchen was safe from his hands when he’s in it. 

_Breathe_. He got this, alright? He’s been preparing for the battle.

* * *

 **Quackity |@Quackity** _replied to Dream SMP: L’Manberg’s tweet_

seriously who the hell is running the account and how do you know whats happening in the gc

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to Quackity_

Less worrying about me and more running away from Fundy, Flatty Patty 

**Quackity |@Quackity** _replied to Dream SMP: L’Manberg’s tweet_

YOU

* * *

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU:** im all for hunting you down

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU:** but why the hell did you hide in the pantry

 **chilling in cedar rapids:** wouldnt you like to know 

**chilling in cedar rapids:** come on in im so ready for this 

**chilling in cedar rapids:** im about to destroy this furry’s ego

 **honkkarl:** i’m going to have to prepare a funeral, am i

 **snapmap:** rest in peace Q

 **chilling in cedar rapids:** wow thanks for the vote of confidence guys

 **TOOB:** wait you mean the pantry as in the one three rooms down that one dark hallway in the south wing?

 **chilling in cedar rapids:** no

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU:** yes

 **burpled:** oh youre underneath the Mistlefoe™️

 **TOOB:** hang on the break room gang is coming w/ popcorn

 **these boots are made for walkin:** mind if skeppy, ant and i come with you

 **Niki** : Of course not :) there’s always more popcorn to go around

 **GoodGirlHalo** : And muffins too!

 **skeepy** : just say muffins n im so down

 **chilling in cedar rapids:** oh wow gee thanks are you guys really going to watch me die

 **snapmap** : dw babe you got this

 **honkkarl** : yeah kick his ass honey

 **chilling in cedar rapids:** you just came along for the muffins didnt you

 **honkkarl** : no

 **snapmap** : yeah

 **chilling in cedar rapids:** i’ll take it

 **chilling in cedar rapids:** fucking come at me furry

* * *

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their reply_

Huh

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their reply_

Was not expecting to see Fundy with an axe tire out somewhere around trying to fight Quackity’s terrible culinary skills but I guess manhunt can’t go on forever

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their reply_

 **_[video of Fundy equipped with a blunt axe, the front of his black shirt covered in sugar. Quackity is double-wielding skillets. He ducks Fundy’s axe swing and goes for the bag of flour. Somebody in the background is yelling: “FILLET THAT FURRY.” Fundy_** **_goes for him again, and in his yelping, Quackity drops both skillets. He does dive for the bag of flour as the pans clatter on the ground, and Fundy gets distracted for a moment. He swings the bag of flour at Fundy’s face, who conveniently slips on a bunch of eggs that Quackity threw earlier. The camera zooms in on Fundy, defeated and sadly not covered in flour as Quackity comes out victorious, but not before Fundy tugs the other down on the messy floor with him.]_ **

**Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their reply_

@Quackity @Fundy is it safe to go back to the studio

 **Quackity |@Quackity** _replied to Dream SMP: L’Manberg’s tweet_

Just so you know I fucking hate you man

 **Fundy |@FundyLive** _replied to Dream SMP: L’Manberg’s tweet_

give us time to change out and but also hurry up because you’d be late for the fireworks show

* * *

“Man, fuck you, Schlatt,” Quackity half-bites as Schlatt, Philza and Callahan get out of the car and walk towards them, holding about a couple hundred dollars’ worth of bottled beverages and Starbucks drinks.

Fundy doesn’t really get the appeal of Starbucks, but he’s mellowed out and missing some caffeine after that intense hunting spree, so he’ll take what he can. 

Plus — any kind of basic coffee drink is better to forget the stench of sugar and flour that Quackity threw at him earlier. At least the Mexican’s aim was shit, because those eggs would’ve been hard to get out of his own shirt.

Schlatt shrugs. “A job is a job, Flatty Patty,” he teases as they all walk towards the trashed conference room, starting a loud argument. George makes a beeline for Callahan’s plastic bag of drinks, looking like he saw hell with hollow eyes and refuses to talk about the horrors he saw.

 _What a dramatic bitch,_ Fundy rolls his eyes as he claims a random drink handed to him, and starts to tug George away to the tiny booth outside to start preparing for the actual firework display in about... ten minutes.

George muffledly whines as he lets himself be pulled away from a bounty of caffeine, which is a mood — but they have a job to do.

And you know. There’s this weird uncomfortable atmosphere from his recent manhunt, with George being his first kill or whatever. He literally did not do shit except knock him out and drag him through the hallway to dispose him in a room. 

But no, he works with this dramatic bitch who has apparently developed some sort of trauma from him, because he keeps edging away from him in the tiny, tiny booth they’re both in so they could operate the firework show. So he sighs because he has to be the bigger person in this situation or else they’ll necer get shit done, so he temporarily offers a truce. “Wanna get this show on the road?” 

George has a great poker face, and he’s being neutral on purpose as he steps a little closer to him. Whether it’s out of fear or he’s just being a bitch, Fundy clearly does not know, but George starts to handle the controls, and Fundy has his key ready. 

_Three._

_Two._

_One._

* * *

The firework show is beautifully arranged, but Ponk could only watch in horror as a few stray sparks fall on his lemon tree.

And one of the branches catch on fire. 

He’s immediately up as he frantically runs towards the tree, and _fuck, fuck fuck_. No, no, no— the branches around it are starting to catch on fire.

There are yells and more, but he’s only standing in front of the tree, wild-eyed.

Sam and Dream are beside him in a few minutes that seem to stretch like infinity, handling a huge industrial grade hose they used for some of the in-door rain scenes as they start blasting the tree and Ponk could only watch again as his sixth lemon tree gets drenched in water. The decors and the boughs and the lights dim, get washed off and it’s over.

He is grateful for the intervention, but the sight of his tree dripping sadly from the crown to the roots just makes him _sad._ Maybe a little angry. Dream and Sam slowly back away from him as Purpled, beside him, puts his hand on his shoulder. 

“Hey man,” he offers as he salutes to the tree. “At least it didn’t get burned down.”

”Yeah, yeah,” he mutters as he walks back to the relieved crowd who avoided another fire crisis and were waiting for the next set of firework displays after that brief stop. “Whatever.”

He looks up at the tiny booth in charge of the firework show, and he sees George. Who is holding his hands up, wide-eyed and gesturing wildly to the man beside him.

And he meets Fundy’s eyes, and that is a huge mistake for the man. He cringes back, freezes up with guilt and non-discreetly elbows George.   
  
And... oh, boy. Ponk really, really wants to go on a murder spree. But like, for real — this time. 

Purpled beside him whistles lowly, and hands Ponk a small Swiss Army knife. From where he got it, he has no idea and he’s not about to question it now. The teen shrugs and stands back. “Go get the furry, Ponk.”

* * *

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their reply_

Okay so I was wrong

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their reply_

Manhunt 3.0 has officially started, starring Fundy as the speedrunner and Ponk the lemon man as the hunter. Good luck man

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their reply_

I’m too tired to commentate and explain all this

 **Dream SMP: L’Manberg✔️|@dsmpofficial** _replied to their reply_

But Merry Christmas, and thank you for sticking with Dream SMP: L’Manberg! See you next year folks :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new twitter = @n_owsy. come check me out there hanging with the dsmp actors au tag! 
> 
> if you enjoyed this un-beta’d crackfest, consider leaving a kudos, comment or a bookmark n check out the main chapter :) 
> 
> i know i promised an update, but burnout has been hitting hard lately n i’ve also been trying to write a couple of other works. i’m not posting them ofc, the actors au is always my first priority. i’ll update before new years i promise omg
> 
> happy christmas again! here’s the entire outline for this chapter in case you get confused (+ some unwritten/cut scenes):  
> \- [x] tubbo n tommy picture in matching christmas sweaters  
> \- [x] fundy, george, sam n sapnap setting up the fireworks  
> \- [x] jschlatt, master of smuggling, smuggles a whole lot of alcohol  
> \- [x] mistlefoe™️ starring sapnap n fundy (edit: now techno and quackity)  
> \- [x] somebody gets fundy a fursuit for secret santa  
> \- [x] somebody gifts tommy a replacement for his broken vlog guns  
> \- [x] somebody (schlatt) gifts niki a glock for christmas - [ ] fundy starts manhunting everyone, with a huge suspicion on wilbur (who started the furry mess and keeps yelling: “ARE YA A FURRY SON”) and dream (who bought the fursuit)  
> \- [ ] punz, technoblade & sam wander the underground set  
> \- [ ] callahan, philza & jschlatt leave the studio for a brief while n hang out a nearby coffee shop while using the gc for details  
> \- [x] george arrives late to the party after getting some extra supplies for the fireworks n ended up napping in his car for a long time  
> \- [ ] he’s instantly ambushed by fundy and becomes his first victim  
> \- [x] sapnap, karl, niki, bad, n tubbo, purpled & philza stay in the break room w/ snacks prepared n the electric fireplace working n barricade themselves. sapnap watches as wilbur desperately knocks on the door, tries to appeal to everyone else and fails.  
> \- [x] tommy, eret, dream, antfrost, skeppy are stuck in the trees/h  
> \- [x] High set places while trying to stay silent. spoiler alert it fails because tommy + skeppy + dream are a bad combination.  
> \- [ ] fundy knocks out wilbur, tommy & quackity before philza decides its enough and starts letting him drink  
> \- [ ] fundy immediately relaxes and everybody excpet the minors turn drunk  
> \- [ ] except not so drunk because theyre trying to be good examples  
> \- [ ] they keep the drinks away from quackity, and ask captain puffy to hide the pole in advance  
> \- [ ] while trying to calm fundy down, there’s a can you become a millionaire-esque game set up by quackity, n the drunk adults r getting broadcasted.  
> \- [ ] at some point wilbur joins in n tubbo joins as quackity’s co-host  
> \- [ ] hbomb accidentally sets the lemon tree on fire after lighting the fireworks and ponk borrows a knife from purpled n tries to do manhunt 3.0  
> \- [ ] anways its fun  
> \- [ ] all the minors stay away from the drinks under philza n callahan’s combined gaze
> 
> can you tell i didnt stick to my highly complicated outline and forgot so many things that i didn’t even include hbomb :(((


	4. george’s interlude (pt.2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry i just couldn’t resist

**GeorgeNotFound✔️|@GeorgeNotFound**

why is #o7forgogy still trending

_3.4K comments and 2.7K retweets_

_133.8K likes_

**Dream✔️|@Dream** _replied to your tweet_

oh look guys he’s awake #o7forgogy

 **Sapnap✔️|@Sapnap** _replied to Dream_

how are you even awake. aren’t you like. wasted or something

 **GeorgeNotFound✔️|@GeorgeNotFound** _replied to Sapnap_

i didn’t drink anything at all what do you mean

* * *

 **NotFound:** okay

 **NotFound** : why the fuck am i alone in the studio

 **wilby** : oh you’re awake?

 **wilby** : damn i thought it was gonna take you a bit more

 **NotFound** : what the hell

 **NotFound** : so you left me here alone???

 **wilby** : yes

 **NotFound** : like you did to me during yesterday’s manhunt/s?

 **honkkarl** : exactly

 **NotFound** : fuck you karl

 **snapmap** : hey gogy don’t. do not try to fucking go after my man

 **chilling in cedar rapids** : *our man

 **snapmap** : youre right im sorry babe. you can go and pass out again

 **chilling in cedar rapids** : <333

 **honkkarl** : aww you two <3

 **NotFound** : i am stuck in the studio alone you can have time for your lovefest later

 **honkkarl** : to be fair it was your fault

 **honkkarl** : why did you even fall asleep in the booth??

 **goodgirlhalo** : ^

 **goodgirlhalo** : Good morning, George

 **NotFound** : good morning bad

 **niki** : good morning george

 **NotFound** : good morning niki

 **goodgirlhalo** : They had a bet on how long it would take you to wake up

 **niki** : ^

 **TOOB** : I won this one

 **TOOB** : Give me my finacnial compensation

 **burpled** : fair enough

 **burpled** : i’ll do it when we’re up at a reasonable time that isn’t seven am

 **a Child** : you sound Old.

 **a Child** : Do you have a bedtime to go with that wake up time or something purpled

 **burpled** : no

 **burpled** : didn’t motherinnit tell you off one night on stream because you didn’t go to sleep

 **burpled** : come to think of it why are you even awake right now

 **TOOB** : He got you there

 **a Child** : No he didnt

 **dreamXD** : go to sleep children

 **snapmap** : you are such a hypocrite

 **snapmap** : but sure i’ll give it later tubbo

 **a Child** : Im not going to give tubbo money

 **TOOB** : Sure you wont

 **TOOB** : ...Sapnap

 **snapmap** : yes i have his vlog guns in my posession. how high do u think theyll sell for

 **a Child** : What the fuck

 **TOOB** : credits to eret and sapnap

 **snapmap** : lol i still cant believe eret figured out that your locker password is 6969

 **a Child** : Tubbo

 **a Child** : Ill pay you the bet give me back my vlog guns

 **TOOB** : Expecting it any tiem on cashapp now. 

**a Child** : Fine. 

**a Child** : Just paid for it

 **TOOB** : Good Ill let Sapnap give it to you after our two-week vacation is up

 **a Child** : WHA THE FCKU

 **wilby** : i guess i should pay mine too

 **wilby** : aww

 **wilby** : why didnt you sleep longer george

 **NotFound** : what the fuck

 **wilby** : thats my line

 **NotFound** : shut up

 **NotFound** : how many people bet on me sleeping long????

 **dreamXD** : i wasn’t part of it but i know tubbo at least raked in a couple hundred dollars from. uh eleven people.

 **wilby** : a couple hundred dollars????

 **snapmap** : i think tubbo has like a thousand

 **honkkarl** : it was thirteen hundred dollars in total

 **wilby** : i lost. two hundred dollars from that bet.

 **wilby** : i had full hope on george’s sleeping schedule. why couldn’t you stay down for at least two more hours george.

 **dreamXD** : that’s what you get from betting against tubbo

 **TOOB** : :]

 **TOOB** : Dw Im splitting it up

 **dreamXD** : eret, schlatt & sapnap, right?

 **a Child** : Seriously what the fuck tubbo

 **a Child** : Why not with me

 **TOOB** : You started the bet against me why would I split it with you

 **NotFound** : hello???

 **NotFound** : why is nobody answering the question

 **NotFound** : where are you guys

 **snapmap** : we’re all chilling at home

 **dreamXD** : duh

 **NotFound** : WHAT

 **NotFound** : and you didn’t wake me up????

 **Philza Minecraft:** We’re all chilling except for me 

**steve rogers kinnie:** and me

 **wilby** : why

 **wilby** : where are you two chilling now

 **Philza Minecraft** : We’re at home

 **Philza Minecraft:** But we’re not chilling

 **Philza Minecraft:** Callahan is eating a tub of ice cream right now and crying to me on call while watching The Notebook

 **steve rogers kinnie:** you invited me to movie night??

 **Philza Minecraft** : I mean yeah but you don’t see either me or Kristen crying 

**wilby** : did not take callahan to be a vivid romantic but i’m not gonna judge

 **steve rogers kinnie:** dont we have like a disclosure contract or something to stop leaking these kinds of private moments 

**wilby** : i vividly remember that you didn’t want to sign it

 **wilby** : because you liked to make fun of us on twitter

 **steve rogers kinnie:** you are a liar

 **steve rogers kinnie:** shut up

 **NotFound** : ???

 **steve rogers kinnie** : oh good morning george

 **steve rogers kinnie:** ngl we mostly forgot about you

 **NotFound** : 

**Philza Minecraft** : To be fair it was definitely your fault

 **NotFound** : WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT WAS MY FAULT

 **wilby** : i mean.. you did fall asleep

 **NotFound** : NOT ON PURPOSE

 **wilby** : anyways you were safe in the booth by yourself and sapnap even left you his beanbag

 **NotFound** : HE DROPPED THE BEAN BAG ON TOP OF ME

 **snapmap** : i still want that bean bag back. its a very comfortable bean bag.

 **honkkarl** : right?? why are you even complaining

 **dreamXD** : true

 **dreamXD** : you didn’t miss out on much

 **snapmap** : you just slept through manhunt pt. 3

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : that

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : you are such a petty bitch 

**dreamXD** : why are you even surprised fundy

 **NotFound** : i dont even remember what i did to you

 **Philza Minecraft** : Callahan has a video saved of it

 **steve rogers kinnie** : _[video of fundy running away screaming, the place in absolute pandemonium while George locks the door to the small booth and curls up inside.]_

 **steve rogers kinnie** : i appreciate a man who would willingly sacrifice someone like a coward to avoid someone else’s wrath

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : i suddenly dont regret knocking you off as my first victim

 **life gives you lemons** : that was cool

 **life gives you lemons** : thanks for that by the way, my man. appreciate it

 **IMNOTAFURRYSTFU** : man fuck you ponk

 **life gives you lemons** : ew no 

**snapmap** : anyways

 **snapmap** : listen gogy

 **snapmap** : we were all getting the hell out of dodge like cowards

 **honkkarl** : ^^

 **honkkarl** : trust him on that because we were not about to risk going back for you

 **dreamXD** : that

 **dreamXD** : and you have a habit of yelling at people who wake you up in terror

* * *

 **Jschlatt |@jschlatt** _replied to your tweet_

good morning. did you like the alarm I left you

_@Tubbo_Live liked your tweet._

**GeorgeNotFound✔️|@GeorgeNotFound** _replied to Jschlatt and Tubbo_

no

 **Jschlatt |@jschlatt** _replied to GeorgeNotFound_

this is very unappreciative of the alarm i left you george

 **GeorgeNotFound✔️|@GeorgeNotFound** _replied to Jschlatt_

sorry i really enjoyed waking up to jump in the caac earrape at eight in the morning

 **Eret |@The_Eret** _replied to your tweet_

This is jump in the caac slander and I will not stand for this on my timeline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i fucking hate george, all my homies hate george. just because he has pretty boy privilege doesn’t mean he’s safe from my constant bullying
> 
> HUGE SLASH JAY SLASH JAY /J /J /J /J


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